Friday, May 16, 2008

Hair Intentions...

Hey Ladies and gents! I know I have been incognegro for a bit, but a big gurl has been out in the world enjoying herself. The weather in Chicago is finally acting like it might want to stabilize, the sun is shining, my life is beautiful and darn it, I am happy! It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood! My only complaint is the lack of stable warm weather! All this up and down is wearing me out. I'm walking out the house in the morning wearing a winter coat but by the time I get home, I'm wearing shorts, a tank top and flip flops? WTH?!?!

Global warming is real. 'Nuff said.

So I am over on one of my favorite websites reading and I just happened on a topic started by a young mixed race woman wondering where all the BM with locs who love sisters with the nappy hair have gone. This young lady basically is wondering why all the Black men she sees are in the company of white women. Now normally I would just play pass me by and keep it moving, but something about this one drew me in, so I started reading. Ok, so it started out with the same ole song and dance about all the Black men that ths particular poster sees have locs, but they aren't checking for her because they're too busy checking for the local White, Asian, Hispanic and other flavors. Needless to say, I almost choked on my Coca-Cola because this girl is biracial herself and yes her father is the Black in the equation.

Here's part of the post:

Whenever I've seen a brother with an afro or Locs, if there's a woman with him - she's white. Now, I might need to sit down and STFU since I'm biracial of the same mix, but I never saw my dad with another white woman after they broke up. He was only w/ black women before her and after her. So I don't think it was a preference for him. I don't have a problem with interracial relationships since, like I said, I'm a product of one and I've been in a couple myself. I'm usually color blind, but seeing that over and over is starting to confuse me.

I see other brothers with regular short cuts or whatever and who they're with is usually a sister. Even when they are with women of other races, the percentage is a lot lower than the brothers I see with afros or locs. Every time I see a brother(or sister) wearing their crowning glory I get all excited, then I don't understand why if you're so proud of yourself and your heritage why there seems to be this predisposition to only be with women of a different race? I have no problem with interracial relationships, but I don't get the Napptural men + white women every time I see them?

Okay, color me amused, but what the hell? She says her Dad was never with another WW after her Mom: he went back to Black women and stayed there. That right there should have told her what the deal was with that relationship, but whatever. But this young lady is just like the legions of BW sitting around right now angry as hell because "their" Black men are walking around with a white girl on his arm. They want to yell, scream and whine at Fate for taking "their" men and "giving" them to a White woman. You all know how I feel about that "hand full of dirt scenario", but that's neither here nor there. I'm really trying to wrap my mind around this lady's comment, especially since this girl is BIRACIAL. Now don't get me wrong, I understand where this young lady is coming from, and that might as well have been me a few years ago. I love natural hair and when I see a BM with his locs looking particularly luscious, a sister might need to fan herself a lil bit, 'cause I love a good looking set of locs no matter the wearers color.

But at the same time, I am under no illusions about how BM really feels about sisters who wear their hair natural. Sure you'll find a lot of brothers who might love it, but chances are they want a woman with a video hoe weave or some creamy cracked out edges. It doesn't matter how many metric tons of weave you wear or how many scalp fires you have endured, you better not let that man see not nan lil bit of the nappy you show or he will dog your ass out worse than a random fool in the streets. And heaven forbid you got that real nappy, straight from the jungle, bush b*tch hair!

*dead faint*

I know a young lady just like this one. Her favorite saying is "If it ain't Brown, it ain't goin' down", she is virulently anti-White and basically thinks that all white men are down with lynching Black people, all YT secretly hate BP, etc, etc. One of the very first things I wonder about biracial women (and men to some extent) who feel like this is: Are you wearing your hair nappy because you are biracial, but are ill-at ease with the white blood flowing through your veins and trying to show how blickety-black or ‘down for the cause’ you are so, therefore, that must be the motive for others who wear their hair natural? Or are you truly that into everything Black that you feel you must hate the part of yourself that reviles your so-called Pro-Black sentiments?

This is a whole other discussion, so for now I will digress and head back to my original topic.

As I kept reading, I'm wondering why she's so confused about the brothers with locs and 'fro's being with WW, but never seems to mention BW with naptural hair walking around with their White or other ethnicity SO's, but I digress, knowing deep within my cold, dark heart that there was going to be a sister like me, somewhere somehow who is into dating men of all colors who would come in and lay the smackdown on this thread, and my girl MissEmbrya surely did not disappoint.

Here are her comments:

To give the OP a serious answer...the reasons are complex and varied. Some might be instances of true love; others might be instances of over-compensating for self-hatred. Many *pro-Black* figures have an intense love for the White woman...James Earl Jones, Sidney Poitier, Frederick Douglass, Harry Belafonte, etc.


...Why do Black women continue to show blanket loyalty to a group of men who do not return that fidelity? It boggles the mind. Ya'll givin' these Negroes too much power. Black men do not belong to Black women.

Stop chasing after the tall, dark chocolate brotha who doesn't want your azz and accept that drank from rhythm-less Todd with the Ashton-Kutcher haircut.

When Black women in general show emotion/slight interest about their interracial conquests, their stock goes up, they start feeling themselves, and they treat Black women like trash. Black men have too much power when it comes to relationships. And this needs to change.

If Black women started giving a Todd or a Hector a chance and adopting a neutral attitude towards these relationships BM would be falling over themselves to get a chocolate gal. I am obviously pro-interracial love, but (IMO and experiences), most of these brothaz date White/Asian/etc. women because they hate Black women (or themselves), not because of a genuine connection.

*standing ovation*

I sat cheesing for about 20 minutes after I read this post and others that followed. The young ladies are finally getting it. They see that there are worlds of other men who would love to have them and damn it if they aren't starting to open their minds and hearts to accepting them, even if they do have a bird chest and look like a white Ethiopian! (You had to see the picture of Ashton Kutcher that was posted to get the joke.)

So ladies, slowly but surely those coming behind us are seeing that the world is a big place, and shutting themselves off is not going to work. One thing I have to say that Miss E. had 100% correct: when BW started becoming the “wanted” woman, our stock will go sky high and watch the very same sorry ass BM who left us come crawling back! Some people call those of us who advocate for more BW to date outside of their chosen boxes "evangelicals", but I don't see myself as a preacher or anything of that sort. I love my sisters with all my heart and I just want us as a group to do better. Does spreading the message to our daughters, sisters, friends, cousins that there're a whole planet full of beautiful men of every hue who would love to be a part of your life, make you his wife and build something special with you make me an evangelical?

Nope. It just makes me a woman who's seen for herself that the world is large and that there's someone out there for everybody!

Since I’m in a really, really good mood, I have decided that the video I’m posting today is going to be a tribute to one of the hawtest IR couples on daytime television that never was: Todd Manning and Evangeline Williamson aka Tangie or Tangeline. For those of you who don’t watch ABC Daytime, Tangeline was the biggest supercouple that never came to be completely. Todd was sent back to his white wife and Van was sent to a safer, ethnic lover in Christian Vega (played by the always smoking hawt David Fumero). Tangeline will live in my heart forever because they had it all: chemistry, friendship, love and enough heat when they kissed to melt all the plastic in your television. So to my fellow Tangies, this one is for you!

You all take care and see you soon… I think!

23 people feel me:

Selena said...

Thanks Sis. Your blog always makes me smile. I'm putting this vid right on my Myspace page.

Anonymous said...

I loved this post. I've recently gone natural with my hair, learning how to twist it myself and I feel so free. I love it. The first day out and about I received more postitive looks from WM than BM. I just smiled at the WM and got more of a bounce in my step.

I also don't understand this young woman as to why she's wasting time trying to figure someone else out. Esp. a man. She should be spending time on making herself a better person and finding that hottie just for her. Whether he's salsa, take out, or tabouleh. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

it definitely seems more BW are getting the message to go after all men, no matter what colour

CW said...

Unfortunately, that's the way a lot of BW have been conditioned to think...But Nicole is right...We are seeing this behavior beginning to change....BTW...I am growing out my hair natural as we speak...Right now it's a short afro...NO BLACK MAN under 50 has shown interest in me...I am not sad for me, but just think it's a shame (there's a difference)...

Taylor-Sara said...

Nicole wow, great post! This really speaks to an experience I had recently. Last wk end. I washed and conditioned my hair and was too tired to curl and style it. So since it's fairly long (just past shoulders) I platted it and went to bed. The next day, I thought about doing it and then decided. I just didn't want to. So I whipped off my rubber band and just let the loose braids hang. Well, WM loved it! and all day they smiled at me and made sweet comments about how pretty I was. It was a whole different reaction from bm though, One (bm) had the nerve to approach me in the street and say. " sistah you too pretty to hair your hair lookin like whoopi Goldberg! Do somethin to it please!" I glared at him and walked away... Can you believe the nerve! I have a right to wear MY hair however I want!...

Felicity said...

As usual good post. Black women should start to view black men as men period, who happen to be black. Black men have access to all racial groups of women, and when he looks a particularly way, with long locs, or long plaits or whatever, some of these men look very regal. So when he is likes a particularly woman, White woman, Hispanic/Latin woman, Asian woman, Native American woman and she responds to him, he is off!! and he is only concerned about his own happiness. The biracial young woman is only complaining, because she thought that she would be the first pick for black men and now she is learning the hard truth. I have not come to hate the way, we refer to each other as brothers or sisters, only thing we share is the same colour, but we are all different, we are unique individuals. One thing I would give respect to back men, if they like a ww or non-black women, they would openly go after her, whereas the other non-men, at one time, would like black women, but go after them on the sly. We are in open season now and everything is avaiable to everyone. WM and other non-black men are open to interracial relationships, marriage and they want a family. So bw should concentrate on themselves, make themselves look good and realise they are God's beautiful handiwork, Elohim created us out of love and we need to get our Kings, don't worry about anyone else or what non-black woman he has in his arms, who do you have in your arms? because when bm are kissing and loving up their non-black woman, they are certainly not worrying about bw and we are the last thing on their thoughts. Bw need to concentrate and get wonderful husband love us up too, regards of colour. Presenter of fashion tv asked one rock star, why are rock stars marrying models?, he replied 'because we can', he asked her a question and answered it, 'why does a dog lick his balls because he can'. BM want non-black women, because they can. BW who want non-black men, because we can also.

Halima said...

right on nicole, what we are doing is simply urging bw to wake up and see the world as it really is. A world with new rules and ones so distictly diferent from what bw are and continue to be told. A world where the depended on is no longer but one with so many wonderful opportunities.

clearly not everyone wants bw to be free!

Sandra77 said...

Sorry to ask this here, but since you and some of your readers who have blogs often post videos on your blogs, I was wondering if you or anyone else could tell me if there is a way of copying or downloading a video from Media Player onto my own personal computer. I have this wonderful video that I'd like to make a copy of and I just don't know how.

Also, I've lost all sound on my computer when I play videos. I used to have sound (albeit very low volume), but then it just disappeared for no obvious reason.

Can anyone help with either of these problems? I would be so grateful.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed your blog and all the pretty pictures. I will definately be back! God bless!

BeautifulBlkWoman said...


If you have Real Player, you should be able to download the videos with no problems. I also use Firefox browser, which has it's own built in download manager.

I'm glad ya'll are enjoying the post. And ummm to all of the Anons, could ya'll please pick names to post under? It keeps confusion down to a minimum. Thanks :)

Grata said...


I just found my way to your blog through another blog and saw that you have me listed. YAY!
I don't post on too many blogs.

I love your post esp your advice on how these women should give the WM a chance then they will see their stock go up. I personally have little attraction to BM, I don't know why.

I don't think WM are perfect, there is something about them that I like but I will be the first to crucify one when they cross me. And probably more ruthlessly than I would a BM.

Any how, I earn alot of respect from BM when they get a hint that I am not inclined to them. They go crazy. Too bad that I still don't get attracted to them. These women showing desperation for BM in this society where they are highly valued worsen the situation. After I lived in the UK and saw how highly sought for BM were, I was not ready to frustrate myself pursuing them.
You have to know what's good for you. If a man doesn't want you, no amount of work can turn them around. Let them go.

Phantom Mare said...

Shalom Nicole!

Hmmm the whole loc'n'afro thingy do.

This is how I see, and it was sort of brought out earlier.

BM wear locs and afro and cornrows because they KNOW it attracts WW.

Let me repeat They wear those styles NOT because they feel it reflects "community" but they KNOW it attracts WW.

With that said, I do what you gals speak when being one's natural self. Yeeeaars ago before I started veiling, I had many WM give me more looks that BM. I loved my naturalness.

Here is the interesting part: When I began to veil my hair and my Hebraic sisters can vouch for this, who also cover,they would actually strike up conversation with me, men were opening doors more often, they were doing the regular gentlemanly things but more often in our experience.

My thought on this. I've been told my demeanor is very regal, even in my speech sometimes. It is all in how you feel about yourself and how you carry yourself--as a woman.

Nope, haven't found my prince yet, but it is good to "set the tone" to meet him!

BeautifulBlkWoman said...

Hello ladies!

I'm happy that you all are loving the post.

PM: Yes, I have noticed that when I wear headwraps and my veils, men seem to go out of their way to cater to me. It always amuses me greatly, but I think they see me moreso than my hair and they're intrigued. Whatever it is, I say hayyy!

Grata: I have never really felt any attraction to BM even though my ex is Black. I was always the shy, easily led type so when he began to pay me attention and my parents liked him, I started to date him. If I hadn't gotten pregnant, I never would have married him.

I have been dating IR since I was 14 (34 now), so I am usually the last woman to sweat any man. One thing that I've noticed is that when a woman puts on her Diva face (she's the bomb, she knows it and so does everybody else), then men respond accordingly.

Hope everybody is enjoying your nice weather (Chicago is making me want to snatch Mo. Nature a new one)!

Grata said...

Hey BBW.

I am going to link you so its easier for me to get here.

Frankly for me at the moment, I am up to my neck with school and don't feel ready to be in a relationship. So I am chilling and watching the dating world go by. Its fun watching people. Hope I will get a break from school then I can start living. If I die before that then too bad, I will have missed out.

JaliliMaster said...

The biracial young woman is only complaining, because she thought that she would be the first pick for black men and now she is learning the hard truth.


My thoughts exactly!

Lmao at Grata finding her way here. Who'd have thought, Lol!

lola said...


New to this site, new to the IRR blogosphere for black women, and I have to say, I'm sooo glad I've found blogs like yours. I totally agree with everything you said.

As a young sista in her 20s, I've begun to see the light recently. From the lie that the media spread that BW aren't desirable to the lie that BM are BW's only "option", I've changed my state of mind.

I wear my hair nappy, and I get compliments from non-black men 99% of the time (the 1% is a few male relatives).

Do I give a damn? Not at all. But boy, I used to. I used to like crazy, I was one of those "BW what should we do to make our men come back home?"...ohh not anymore. They dont belong to us, we dont belong to them. A friend of mine still clings to the "brothers" (who, btw, don't check her...unless they're 50 or more), but my other girls? 2 of them date non-blacks and a third one is more into non-blacks. Another one I had a deep convo with about dating out,and I think I've "converted" her LOLLL.

The bottomline is, why care for people who don't care for you? Who don't give you the time of the day? We have to go and stay where the love is instead of remaining in an hostile environment. THEY DONT WANT YOU, LEAVE THEM ALONE AND GO WHERE THE LOVE IS.

gorgeousblackwomen said...

On BM not belonging to BW:

whether one is interested in interracial dating or against it or apathetic, realizing this is really is the difference between living your life and wasting time-energy on concerning yourself with other people's relationships.

JaliliMaster said...

gorgeousblackwoman, I agree completely.

gorgeous black women said...

simply put, i got no attention from black men when i went natural but when i had braids or a relaxer, i couldn't walk back from a run in baggy sweats and looking like something a cat spit out without someone trying to "holla."

i don't think we read this young woman's post in the same way i did. don't be so quick to put people in that BM-belong-to-the-sistas box. i have made the same observation. the ONLY place i've ever seen a person with a black person with natural hair with another black person is in NYC. i actually stare probably for a second too long.

i disagree with her conclusion that race pride with hair might be compensating for some underlying self-hatred (basically what she's saying). the question to ask is this: are black people writing off potential mates based solely on their decision to wear natural hair?

my guess is that some people including fellow black people put you in a particular box (Afrocentric rally-attending type cursing The Man) when they see the fro or locs. there's a presumption that one is uppity and that's simply not a quality most look for in a potential partner. oddly enough, none of the people i know who fit in the aforementioned box have fros or locs. it's still viewed as political hair.

in terms of preference, my impression judging from the couple of people i know is that their black SOs seem to compliment them a bit too much when they get it straightened with heating products.

thinkpink said...

Hmm I'm not sure if I'm the only one but it seems to be a given to most of the woman on these interracial blogs and even most of the ones that have responded that Black men are wanted and that they have "access to all different types of women". I'm not sure if its my location or simply my own personal experiences but I just do not see this? Other than athletes or Black men making a lot of money I generally do not white women even desiring Black men beyond the bedroom.

Either way I think its a problem for Black women to even view Black men this way, as if they are seen as elite and highly desired amongst other women, (which they are not after all) because you are still putting them on a plateau separate from other men. Not only this but you make it seem as if Black men can get any woman they want with a snap of their fingers as opposed to Black women who must go through a long list of things in order to get in an IR.

Perpetuating the "stud" myth of the Black male to Black women does nothing but encourage them to continue focusing on BM solely (if you make them out to be the cream of the crop BW will feel as if they are missing out if they DON'T stick to Black men) as well as inflate Black men's egos to the point that even though they know its not true that they are being chased by every other race of women, they still feel justified in treating Black women as if they are less than in relationships just because they know that you think they are "hot". Just my 2 cents.

Anonymous said...

I just had the pleasure of discovering your blog and I've only read one post. Let me say I am hooked. I, too, have been in relationships with beautiful black and beautiful white men. I can NOT wait to read more.

Osk said...

I agree somewhat with thinkpink. I sometimes see that black men who dont have money are not really desired by other races of women, hence why the blue collar black men ends up marrying black women, if thats not what he wanted. White women tend to marry men with money of their own race, if they are not available she will settle for another race of men with money. However, black men was not her first choice.

Regardless though black men are still men. All men white, asian, hispanic ect. have access to all different types of women. But the same doesnt hold for the opposite gender group, and thats the real point!

I believe "the nothing but a black man" montra is why black men think they are ideal. Black women need to put this to rest by realizing our options and then we will see how great BM THINK they are.

Anonymous said...

Sandra77 said...
Sorry to ask this here, but since you and some of your readers who have blogs often post videos on your blogs, I was wondering if you or anyone else could tell me if there is a way of copying or downloading a video from Media Player onto my own personal computer. I have this wonderful video that I'd like to make a copy of and I just don't know how.

Also, I've lost all sound on my computer when I play videos. I used to have sound (albeit very low volume), but then it just disappeared for no obvious reason.

Can anyone help with either of these problems? I would be so grateful.

I you lost all of your sound when you play videos you may want to check the volume in your video application and see if it is turned on mute or if it is turned down. The volume button on the videos are controlled by a different switch than the volume on the computer. You have to make sure that both of them are turned up and are not on mute. otherwise I would suggest that you go into the control panel, go to system information or system( how ever it may be listed on your computer), click on hardware tab, click on device manager, scroll down to sound and click, check to see if all the devices are working properly if they are not you may want to uninstall them and then reinstall them.