It seems that no matter how many times I get asked this, the question always comes up again and again. And it makes no difference how many times you say that you don't hate Black men, somebody, somewhere will always take your words, twist them into whatever shape they feel is needed to showcase their POV, and it all brings you back to square one.
Let me make this clear right here, right now: I DO NOT HATE BLACK MEN! I do however, hate the bitchassness that is so prevalent among some BM, especially the ones who chose to attack a BW when she doesn't respond to or get angered by, his preference for a nonBW. I have no issue with a BM wanting to date outside of his ethnicity, but please, if you're doing it for shock value, don't get pissy with me when I don't respond like one of Pavlov's dogs to your stimulus. Quite frankly, you attacking me for not responding like you wish me to tells me you are on some ole "I got me a White girl, don't you feel jealous?" type BS, and honestly, that's more your issue than it is mine.
Now, there are a lot of young women out there who will be angry/pissed off with you, but they may not be pissed off for the reasons that you think. Most BW I have spoken to have told me that the only reason they get pissy is because BM tend to just go get any old WW and bring her around his family, demanding that they have to accept this woman and respect her because she's white. My own cousin did something like this with two of his exes (after telling us all that he couldn't mess with BW anymore because they are too "hard to deal with" i.e. wouldn't take his BS), and the resounding response from me, both his sisters and my aunt: I dont have to respect anybody that doesn't respect me.
As I said, some women will be pissed off a a BM dating outside of his ethnic group but I am not one of them. How can I be angry with you when I'm doing the exact same thing, albeit for totally different reasons? I date men who wish to date me, no matter what color his skin is. I always have, even back before I met the man I eventually married. I have always loved a variety of men for a variety of reasons, and if I'm totally honest, I can say that I have never really been attracted to BM for the simple fact that they were never attracted to me. Sure I dated a few (eventually married one) but BM just don't get my panties moist most of the time. And no, that does not include the Morris Chestnuts and Denzels of the world. I'd do both of them so good it would make them leave their wives, but I'm talking about something different altogether.
I love men who love me. Men who treat me with respect, open doors, hold my hand in public and who would throat chop a fool for even thinking about disrespecting me. I love men with charisma, intellect, charm, gentle hearts and minds. I love honesty, gratitude for the little things, compassion, understanding of me and the way I feel. Where is his sense of humor? His optimism and emotional availability? I love these things in any man, and if he has them in abundance, I'm dating him regardless of who he is and what ethnic group he claims.
See, I think that's a big issue with women of all ethnicities nowadays. They tend to pick partners based on things that are fleeting, like how cute he is or what kind of car he drives. Oh, how much money he got? And then they wonder why they're so miserable once they get the Mrs. in front of their names in spite of the money, fame, smoking hot body, etc. Short answer: you got what you paid for. You wanted a fine looking man instead of a fine acting/being man, and now you have to suffer the consequences.
I'm not saying that you have to go out with Quasimodo just because he's a sweet guy who would love to give you the world, because let's face it: it's just as easy to marry a pretty man as it is to marry an ugly one (and it's a helluva lot easier on the eyes), but, I think most women need to stop being so materialistic in their approaches to dating/relationships. Yes it's just as easy to be with a rich man as it is a poor man, but what if that rich man is a total a-hole who beats you like he owns you, doesn't want to be a father to his children, sleeps around, etc? Didn't you say you stopped dating BM for these very same reasons?
Something in the water does not compute.
Ladies, don't be afraid to aim high, and this is especially true for my sisters. Don't be afraid to want a husband before you want a child. Too many of us are happy being "baby momma" when we should have insisted on being "wife" first. And please do not sit on your behind and start that mess about white women are baby's mommas too. Miss me with that BS. Just because they do it don't make it right. Insist on him making you the one and only in his life before you lay down with him, because we all know that a baby can and will come when you least expect it.
BW, do not be afraid to claim what you will and will not tolerate in your relationships. Not knowing what you do and don't want is one of the fastest ways to get yourself into a world of trouble. Knowing what you will not accept is just as important as knowing what you will not compromise on because then you will remain true to yourself in your dealings with all men. What do you not want in a mate? Write it down. This helps you to fine tune your wants, and can be revised as criteria are moved to and from different areas.
I sat down when I got out of my marriage and made a list with three headings: Must Have, Don't Want, Willing to Compromise and listed characteristics under all three where they fit. This list has been fine tuned on several occasions, but you can bet your bottom dollar that with every man I meet, the list comes out. If he's higher in the "Don't Wants" than he is in the "Must Have's" and isn't willing to work on some things, I know not to even waste my time. It may sound harsh, but it cuts through the BS and keeps me focused on getting the kind of man who is a best fit for me, and it helps keep things simple.
I'm not going to tell you what to put on your list. Only you know what you want, but try to concentrate on character traits more so than on physical things. Physical is fleeting, but a man's character will tell you more about him and the kind of person he is, and that's what you want to see more so than his six pack abs and 24 carat schlong. Also, don't get so caught up in the "d*ckin' me down proper syndrome" that you forget to watch his actions more than listening to his words, because actions are the greatest indicator of whether he's true to character or just playing nice to get into your panty draws. When a man shows by his actions what kind of character he has, believe him and decide whether you wish to remain with him accordingly.
And now for today's musical selection. (A regular feature that some people really do love)
This is a user made video fro one of my fave Jill Scott song: He Loves Me (Lyzel in E-Flat) starring my favorite IE couple from daytime television, Christian Vega and Evangeline Williamson (bring Van Baaaaaaack!!!!). This is how good it can be... and should be.
Monday, April 28, 2008
It seems that no matter how many times I get asked this, the question always comes up again and again. And it makes no difference how many times you say that you don't hate Black men, somebody, somewhere will always take your words, twist them into whatever shape they feel is needed to showcase their POV, and it all brings you back to square one.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Last month, I said that I would never allow myself to call any BM damaged beyond repair because to me, that's the height of stupidity. IN my high handed way, I wanted to believe that no one is damaged beyond repair, most especially a Black man. After all, I came from a BM and I would never wish to say anything harsh about the man who gave me life, nor would I chose to disrespect the man who raised me.
That was then, this is now.
You see, Sara and I have recently come under fire by one of these DBR's because of the pictures and captions that we have on our blogs, and most assuredly because these captions are about Non-BM. Well guess what? This is my blog, and if you don't like what I placed under those pictures, how about you take Lupe Fiasco's advice and kick/push your ass on off my page?
Why are you so mad? Is it because you hate Gerard Butler because he showed mad love for and to BW, something which BMBs (Black Man/Boys, 'cause I refuse to call these emotionally crippled children men) are severely lacking? Or is it because you know deep down in your withered little black as coal tar heart that you'll never get the kind of love, adoration and appreciation from a BW that Gerard gets?
Being a woman who encourages Inter-ethnic dating is hard work, especially when you put yourself out here on the Internet, inviting all kinds of criticism kind of goes with the territory and I usually have about as much use for it as I do tits on a fish. I continue to do it because I love my sisters and I want more and better for and from you. But there is a down side to all of this. You end up being targeted by a lot of crazies like Mr. John Crawford, who wrote:
john crawford wrote: (and yes King of bitchassness, I'm leaving your name in here for everybody to see)
Hawt sex on a platter. Stifles moan and goes to change panties. Talk about stereotypes - you sound like an oversexed nigger bitch. Who cares that you sleep with white men. NO ONE CARES. There's a porn series called White Boy Stomp - it features one black women doing a gang bangs with several white men - right up your alley.
Oh, so because I called Gerard "Hawt Sex on a Platter" and because he's so fucking hot he makes me wet enough to go change my panties, I'm an "oversexed nigger bitch" who should be doing IR Gang bangs? GTFOOHWTBS!
Wow. So now that more BW are waking up and seeing for themselves that there is no limit to the kinds and ethnicities of men out here who will love, need and want you, this is what you have to deal with? BMB, you'd better wake up and smell that damned Sanka brewing, because as more and more BW realize that it's okay to date outside of their ethnicity, there will be more BW like myself, Sara, cw, Halima and others who are not afraid to advocate for even more BW to step outside of their comfort zone and get involved with loving, giving men of other ethnicities. And you can take that to the bank.
Another thing: You say nobody cares about me and other BW dating out, but it's kind of transparently obvious you do care about BW dating non-BMB because you took time out of your busy day to send me that email. Your bitchassness is showing again.
Why is it that when you decide that you no longer wish to focus your attention solely on what BMBs want, need, have to have, etc and showcase some of the beauty that is men of other races, BMBs want to get all up in arms and attack you? When you decide that BMB and the stupid shit that they do should no longer be allowed to live rent free in your mind, nor should you waste anymore time and energy on them, you get crazies who want to attack you and/or your blog, your decisions and basically try to reek havoc. That's when you know that you have arrived at a place where the decisions you have made have been correct, that your message is truth and some people are running scared as hell. Stupid morons just won't leave you alone, but that's okay. I know it's because they're feeling the heat in the kitchen... they're just too damned stupid to realize that it's becoming a raging inferno hat no amount of pretty words, empty promises and catchwords can put out.
Why should I have to censor myself in my online space just because ignorant asses/BMBs like John Crawford can't get a date with a woman of any ethnicity? But wait, it gets better *insert eye roll and sarcasm here*:
On Mon, Apr 21, 2008 john crawford wrote:
YOU ARE BUTT UGLY
Awwwwwwwwww poor little Johnny. Is that just the best you could do? Since I have a very healthy dose of self confidence, I'm going to have to insist that you cease and desist on hating me because I'm beautiful *flips hair and fluffs the twins while adjusting glasses*. I may not be the prettiest or skintiest on the block, but unlike you, I can pull the men it seems to me you just happen to want. Don't be mad at me because I wouldn't have you even if you came with a 24 ct gold bar shoved in your mouth, a titanium battery powered dick and a bank account that puts Bill Gates or the Sultan of Brunei to shame. Learn to let go of that lack of self esteem babe. It makes you look weak.
You have been DISMISSED.
You know, I'm okay with crazies who want to attack my blog, and I wouldn't even have said anything if it hadn't been for him attacking Sara too. I go hard for my girls, and this time is no exception. John Crawford, you have been put on blast. Your bitchassness has been shown to the world and yes, I left your name in there because I'm an evil Black woman who does not take kindly to anybody messing with my family. You were warned, but you chose to ignore. Bitchassness needs to be illegal in BM, but instead, for some it's a character trait to aspire to. Just ask John Crawford.
Some words to live by for anybody who would like to change me, my friends or BW in general.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
This post is a few (ok several) days late. I had intended to have it up over this past weekend, but I have really struggled putting what I think about this topic into words, but here goes nothing.
Strong. Black. Woman.
No three words in the English language have the power to cause a bigger firestorm of emotions (except Out of Chocolate maybe). The myth of the strong Black woman is one that Black women the world over have struggled for, with and against ever since it became part of popular lexicon, but why is this struggle necessary?
Strong. I have nothing against this word in and of itself, but disparity in meaning when applied to men versus women, more specifically Black women, has always been what irritates me. You see, a man can be strong and people automatically tend to think he's a leader, someone who is used to taking charge of a situation. Women get a very different reaction.
A strong woman is usually called some very much less impressive words: b*tch, ball buster, hard ass, dyke, lesbo etc, etc when she is in reality doing nothing more than displaying the very same attributes that a strong man does but with less encouragement and more choler. Applying it to a Black woman is when the real fun begins.
Now we all know someone who falls into the category of SBW: she is probably a single mother of multiple children by multiple "baby daddies", but who is holding down two or three jobs to make sure that her family is provided for to the best of her ability. She is stoic, never complaining when she is in pain, be it mental or physical and she is not about to admit that she needs help for fear of being perceived as "weak" or "whining". Let other women show this kind of vulnerability, but not a Black woman. We must be strong no matter what.
This mythical "all things to all people" Black woman is devoted to the BC with every ounce of strength in her body and uses her considerable energy to "uplift" and "protect" the myth of the "strong Black Man", even if said "strong Black man" could less than a damn about her or the children he's fathered and abandoned. She is loving to those who conform to her ideas of what a woman should be, but heaven help you if you decide to be even a little bit different, because she can (and will) become the monster of your worst nightmares. She is the caretaker of everybody in the Black community, mother to the motherless, friend to the friendless (as long as you take her advice... oh and don't start feeling too proud or being too free. Then you become her freinemy) but no one is there to succor her in her times of need.
Black woman can do and be all of these things, but why should she be? I know from my own personal experience that men love a strong woman. They love knowing that she's there for them when they fall down, but they also have nothing but contempt for a weak ass individual. Where is the line between these two extremes? How can a woman be about her business, raising her kids, paying her bills doing her thing, but still want and need someone who will hold her down without being thought of as weak?
A WW can have a nice nervous breakdown and nothing is said, or even worse, the world makes up excuses as to why she is the way she is (Britney SPears, Anna Nicole, Farrah Fawcett, etc), but the minute a Black woman shows even a little bit of weakness... no scratch that. There's nothing weak about needing a partner who will love and support you when ou need it. When a sister shows vulnerability, maybe even looses her mind just a little bit, she's called everything from crazy as hell to a weak ass punk (Lauryn Hill is a prime example of this).
Black women, it's time to wake up. You can and should be strong, but only insomuch as your family and man need you to be. As far as the BC goes, they can kiss my happy Brown behind. Screw the BC. They haven't done anything for BW but keep us chained down and in a constant state of denial about how messed up we really are. We're trained from the cradle to let BM do as they please, smile and take it, and never leave the BC for greener pastures because as they say, Black people got to stick together. Ummmmm, BM have been leaving their women and children behind for greener pastures for years, so excuse me if I'm starting to take to heart that what's good for the gander is also good for the geese.
A friend of mine said this:
People think BW are rocks...Hard inanimate objects you can just kick around, because afterall we are rocks. I remember doing a paper on black women and depression in college for my mental health class. I ran across this article where this black woman was discussing her feelings and her depression with a white woman. The white woman told her in so many words. There is no way she could be depressed because she did not think black women got depressed because she thought we were so strong about everything. She thought nothing could break down the wall of a strong black woman. This white woman was actually shocked that we could be depressed and from the way the article sounds have emotions. I think in general in America people have this image of us.
It hurts us. Look at the movies so many times we are betrayed as the strong figure, single raising kids alone, handling all the stresses of the world alone and getting knocked down with no one there for comfort, but each other. It is so freaking sad. But it's art imitating life. The strong black woman image was something I used to brag on. Now it is to a fault that so many black women are that way. It so sad to say that most black women I know and grew up with, are from homes where the mother or the grandmother was the sole support and backbone of the family. That shit is tiresome. My friend who lost her mother recently, had us(her friends) and other black women to lean on. The bastard of a man who says he loves her. Sent her three text messages.
And that's the biggest problem: being the rock has put us in a position where everyone in the world takes the toughness we have to exibit as BW at face value. We cry, hurt, feel pain, love, laugh, sorrow just like any other race of women, but we are not allowed to be the face of mental illness, sadness or pain. No, we are a rock: simple, unfeeling inanimate object that is the root and soul of everything, and upon which many a house has been built. Never to be shown sympathy, never to know anything but hurt, anger and disappointment.
A WW can have a nice nervous breakdown or be a raving alchoholic/drug addict and either nothing is said, or even worse, the world makes up excuses as to why she is the way she is (Amy Wino, Britney SPears, Anna Nicole, Farrah Fawcett, etc), but the minute a Black woman shows even a little bit of weakness-- no scratch that. There's nothing weak about needing a partner who will love and support you when ou need it. When a sister shows vulnerability, maybe even looses her mind just a little bit, she's called everything from crazy as hell (Lauryn Hill) to a weak ass punk who couldn't stand by her man when he needed her (Whitney Houston).
Black women, it's time to wake up. Trying to keep all of these balls in the air is killing you. Let someone else come into your life and assist you in the juggling. Stop being too afraid (or too proud) to ask for help when it's needed! You can and should be strong, but only insomuch as your family and man need you to be. When you're feeling too stressed out,/angry/tired/unloved or whatever, let the people around you who love you and only want to help you take care of you for a change! As far as the BC goes, tell them to kiss your happy Brown ass. Screw the BC. They haven't done anything for BW but keep us chained down and in a constant state of denial about how messed up we as Black women really are. We're trained from the cradle to let BM do as they please, swallow every ounce of crap that we're given with a song and dance, smile big for the cameras when people need us for a photo op prop, and never leave the BC for greener pastures because as they say, Black people got to stick together. Ummmmm, BM have been leaving their women and children behind for greener pastures for years, so excuse me if I'm starting to take to heart that what's good for the gander is also good for the geese.
I have to believe that things can only get better, but whether they do or they don't, the myth of the Strong Black Woman dies with me.
I really think this is the ultimate "I'm a lady, but damn it, I'm a woman too" song. I love this song so much it's on permanent rotation in my iPod.
This is my other song that I love. I keep this in heavy rotation in my iPod as well. Whatever happened to her anyway?
Thursday, April 10, 2008
‘Black men are not intimidated by a woman's strength of character or even a powerful personality. Some [Black] men just don't want to deal with a woman who is unnecessarily loud, obnoxious, disrespectful, and/or argumentative' added Currie. ~ taken from "Do Black Women Despise Black Men who Date Caucasian Women?" Here
I don't know what pisses me off more, Black men who date White women because they seem "easier" or Black men who are too freakin' spineless to admit that that's the real reason they do it, so they bash BW to justify crossing the line.
Let's get something straight here: not every Black woman is loud, obnoxious, disrespectful or argumentative. My mother raised me to be a lady at all times, which means I will never raise my voice unless absolutely necessary. I can be "obnoxious", but usually the people calling me by this name are the ones who are jealous in some way and who just want me to shut up because I'm right and they know it, particularly when calling fools out on their stupidity. I only disrespect those who disrespect me, so there's another of your arguments that is invalid., and the only time I argue is when I'm debating a topic amongst friends.
Now, I have to ask, who the hell are these BW that are such a hawt mess and where are these men finding them? If you date at the bottom of the barrel, you so don't have any right to be surprised when you find women of the lowest common demoninator lurking there ready to unleash their foolishness on you. Please do not feel the need to lump me and my girls (most of whom are college educated or in school, intelligent, beautiful women who can handle ours quite well, thanks) in with the hoodrats you chose to date. The fact that this is the kind of woman that you are finding tells me that there is something in you that's not quite right either, for like attracts like.
If this is the kind of woman you have attracted BM, then I'm going to respectfully ask that you fix your own fuckedupedness and stop blaming Black women for the mess you find yourself in.
Oh and please, miss me with that half assed comment about ‘Black men are not intimidated by a woman's strength of character or even a powerful personality." You know, your comment belies the notion that you aren't afraid, because what we fear, we tend to hate, and you have shown by your constant verbal (and sometimes physical) battery of BW's souls that you hate us. You claim that Black women are obnoxious, ignorant, loud, etc, etc ad nauseum, but what kind of woman are you looking for? If you date hoodrats because they "fine as hell" and "they got that ass like WHOA!" instead of dating sistahs who are beautiful, kind, caring, intelligent (oops, there's that dirty word again) because you in all likelihood want to feel superior to your woman, then the shit you catch is nobody's fault but your own.
Why is it that when a Black woman displays her intelligence, verbosity and confidence, BM automatically label her as "loud, obnoxious, thinks she's better than me". And now, not only are BM sipping on the Kool-aid, but now you got WW and every other race of females they are screwing sipping that "extra sugary red aid" too. BM got these female canines gassed and geeked up to the point that now they have the nerve, the unmitigated gall, to think they can just disrespect a sister and not catch at least a verbal smackdown too?
Collective DBRbm and simple ass women, please! Ya'll better cah (yeah I said cah) yo asses back to the cave you crawled out of. I am not the one.
BM, you treat BW as second class citizens and allow WW to keep their cherished role as "the best" and yet you have the nerve to wonder why the quality Black women don't want you and are starting to open their minds and hearts to dating out? Why shouldn't we begin to shift our energy to finding a man of any race who sincerely wishes to be husband, confidante, lover, father to his children and protector of all? BW have enough shit being slung at us every day with hearing how we aren't good enough, we will never be good enough, we need to shut up and let that man be a man, we need to let that ma do what men do, ad infinitum. We want someone who can take us in his arms and make the rest of the world go away. If this man's skin has a decided lack of melanin, then so be it. I'm not saying no to him just because of something stupid like that, and I'm damned sure not going to say no because some nameless, faceless Black person might disapprove.
That's right Black community, I said it: kiss my happy Brown interracial dating ass. My happiness is the only thing I'm worried about. You do you, 'cause I'm damned sure about to do me. Big Time!
BW, you all need to wake the fuck up! We are basically under a state of siege by the very people who are supposed to be protecting us! I watched an episode of Maury today, and I swear to God I almost jumped through my TV to shake the shit out of a BW named Angel who was sitting there shaking and crying over some fool named James who was denying that he was her baby's father. The reason for said denial? The baby had cerebral palsy and "sick babies don't run in my family."
^_o O RLY James?
You ARE the father!
But why was this heffa all loved up on this bastard after their segment and they went to commercial? I mean, she talking about, "You said you luuuuuuuuhved me. We was gon be a family!"
Why would you even want to be a family with this fool after all the shit he's said about not only you, but your baby?!?! Maybe it's just me, but I'll be damned if I'll act like random asshole's shit don't stink after he's called me a whore and a cheater, not to mention the denial of my child. I understand you want to love a BM, but some of ya'll need to figure out the difference between just having any ole man that will have you and having a real man who will love, honor and cherish you.
Oh and before ya'll start screaming, I see the WM on there acting a donkey, but that's neither here nor there with the flavor of this post, so spare me your insane defense of everything Black man, m'kay?
Black women, I want so much better from and for you!!! My question to you is: When the hell will you want better for and from yourselves???
Todays video selection is the message I want all women to hear: you are so much more than good enough for any man who wishes to have you in their lives. I know this isn't the happiest song, but the lyrics really make you think. Thanks Sarah!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Ok, I'm reading over on Sara's blog and she has a letter supposedly written by a racist WW. Go here to read the full article. Be prepared, not only is there profanity, but there is some serious ignance going on there.
My initial reaction to this article was amusement because this woman really does seem so very over the top with her hatred, as in "that's got to be a Black man or a Black woman fvcking around posting all of that nonsense" over the top, but no. As soon as I realized that that might really be a WW, the amusement turned into apprehension. I mean, if this is how one woman feels, then how are we to be sure that all WW don't feel this way? Should I be worried? *glances around nervously*
After the apprehension and uncertainty came clarity. This WW is running scared. She and her YT woman sisteren are mortified that they are slowly but surely being replaced as the "go to" woman for men in power. A strong man desires a strong woman by his side, someone who not only complements his strengths, but who is going to eliminate his weaknesses. That is fact and that is the nature of the beast. I have heard my WM friends say time and time again that one of the main reasons that they are leaving WW behind is because they crack under the slightest pressure. No man wants to constantly have to worry about whether or not his woman will have his back when shit is going down.
BW, we have by our very nature proven time and time again that not only will we have our man's back, we can and will fight with him side by side if the need arises. Black women possess a terrible strength, a fierce strength that makes Missy Anne's simpering and whimpering not only irritating, but abhorrent to a man who needs his woman to be on her best game when chips are going down.
Missy Anne's days as queen of the mountain are numbered, and she knows it. The days of her beauty being shoved down our collective throats as the only desirable one are fast coming to an end, and I for one cannot wait. That's right YT women: your dominance as the face of everything that is good, right and beautiful is at an end. But most of all, WW are finding out a truth that WM have been in a kindly conspiracy to keep hidden from her and those of her ilk for many, many years.
They know this truth now and it's a bitter as hell pill to swallow to Missy: Your men aren't really all that into you because they genuinely love you. No dears, they're with you because they couldn't get with the women they really wanted: Black women.
Now say what you like, but there's a part of me that believes that even the most devoutly "nothing but a WW" White male wouldn't say no if a BW gave him the go ahead to come and at least sample the wares. That's not to say that they would stay with you once the initial thrill is over, but as we all know, chocolate is one helluva an addiction to beat, and chocolate women are not to be taken lightly in this regards. "Once you go Black, you never go back" indeed.
But see, the main problem with the ig'nant WW of the world is that this knowledge is not really new to them. They have always had at least an inkling of this truth. Even back during slavery, some deeply buried sense of self preservation had to be hollering at them to keep their men away from sisters "by any means necessary", but just as they do now, they chose to bury their collective heads in the sand and pretend that all is well, comforting themselves with the thought that their men were turning to the slave woman as a way of protecting their "virtue" and shielding them from their mates baser impulses. White men, upon hearing this, probably patted them on their heads like the good little fools they were, laughing at them behind their backs all the while practically living with their Black mistresses and loving on them even harder.
Some people will say that it's normal for the races to stay to themselves, but how normal is it really? How much of it is really wanting to be with WW, and how much of it is simply the perceived lack of interest of BW? I have to wonder how many WM would really rather have married Sanaa but ended up with Cindy instead? Did some far thinking White person, in an attempt to keep the balance of power in their communities stop and say, "You know what, we really need to keep our sons away from these BW with their beautiful bodies and brilliant minds. God forbid that BW ever have the power and influence of the best WM behind them, they would be unstoppable. Let's just tell them all that WP are better so they won't be tempted to stray from the goodness and purity of the WW."
I can see this ish happening. I'd betcha dollars to donuts you can see it too.
At the end of the day, the racists will have a problem with BW taking the good WM for no other reason than the fact that BW are finally becoming the powerhouses of the world because we are no longer willing to be the world's favorite mule, but least respected mule anymore. Black women are finally coming into our power, and I for one think it's about damned time.
Like Katt Willaims said, "Haters will hate. That's their m.f.in' job, so why are you complainin'?"
Realize that they are angry with us for taking what in reality was never theirs. The best and the brightest will always come together.
Today's video selection is one of my favorites by Phyllis Hyman. I miss her so much. She had a voice that went through your soul and held it tight. Even now, almost fifteen years after her death, it still sounds as good as it did all those yeas ago. Listen to the sadness in her voice as she talks. I wish with everything I am that this sister was still among us. I truly believe that she would have benefited from our movement.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Queen of Wishful Thinking
Okay, I just took a long, hard look in the mirror, and you know what? Today, April 5, 2008, I have realized that I really am beautiful, no matter what the naysayers might think or say to the contrary. I know, some of ya'll are probably like "What is this crazy woman going on about now?", but walk with me for a moment.
I am a 34 year old Black woman who is finally comfortable in her own skin.
How many Black women do you know who have reached this zenith? Have you?
The reason I ask is because, a lot of us are looking for a significant other to share our lives with, and I wish every single one of you the luck of one thousand leprechauns in finding him, but have you really stopped to think what might be holding you back is not the lack of available men of any race, but the lack of self confidence and assurance you project?
Men are very perceptive creatures, and as I'm sure your male family members will tell you, they can spot an unconfident woman who is ripe for the picking at 1,000 feet. Their "damaged woman" radars' have been finely tuned, so they will spot your ass with the skill of a lion hunting gazelle on the savanna, and trust they will move in for the kill. A DBR man of any race will use your lack of self confidence, and this lack of knowing deep down that you are beautiful and desirable, with catastrophic effects if it's left unchecked. I know because I didn't love myself very much in high school, and I ended up involved with a man who almost killed me because I didn't love me.
And before you go assuming, I had people telling me constantly that I was a beautiful girl, I just never took those words to heart. I remember that one of the first people to tell me I was pretty was my BFF's Mom back when I was in 6th grade. She basically looked at me and said, "Nicole, you know, you have such a beautiful face. You have a good heart, and it shows in your eyes. Don't ever lose that." And do you know, I pretty much said Thank You, and left that behind like garbage in McDonald's? I don't think I ever had anybody in my family say those words to me though, mostly because the Color Struckisms have some of my family in a damned choke hold. They never said I was pretty, but oh how they fawned over my younger cousin who was born with almost straight hair and hazel eyes. *sigh*
My nappy hair and chestnut Brown skin were never good enough to hear anything other than "Oh, you'd be so cute if you just lost some weight" or "You know, I just found this diet... you have such a pretty face and I know if this diet works..." ad nauseum, ad infinitum. Now don't get me wrong, I knew I needed to lose weight, but damn it, I did not need to hear the people who were supposed to love me constantly harping on it. I have a stubborn streak the size of Mt. Kilimanjaro. The more you harp and harass, the more I push my specially designed and bedazzled "Nignore" button.
One cousin even went so far as to tell her mother that she wouldn't have me in her wedding because I was, in her words, "too fat and Black" to be in her wedding. And wouldn't you know that the only Brown skinned females she had in that wedding were skinny as hell with weaves down to their asses? Everybody else was light, bright and darned near White. I was so hurt I stayed away from that particular cousin for years. I still level the side eye from Hell on her every time I see her. And they wonder why I don't come out to visit with family now? So you can do the exact same thing only in reverse to my daughter (who is lighter than I am by several shades)? I so don't think so. *side eye of Death*
I said all that to say this: how is it that you don't love yourself and yet you expect some man to come into your life and love you? Babies listen, you can't expect any man to be all things to you. That's putting too much pressure on a man to be Superman and no man wants to feel like he has to be happy for himself and make you happy too. I've said it before, but it bears repeating: you must, MUST love yourself with the kind of wholeheartedness that you would expect from your boyfriend/SO. How can he love you when you don't love yourself or even know what it feels like to be loved? I mean fully loving yourself, warts, pimples, Crow's feet, wrinkles and all.
Having a bad hair day? Love your crazy hair and own it! Looking not quite right when you leave the house? Accept that you have had better days and then head up, chest out and strut like you're Naomi on the catwalk. Smile! It makes people wonder what you're up to. Feeling fat? Put on some funky music and shake your groove thing until you get over it (added benefit, you get some exercise while getting over your funk, which is always a good thing).
Have you ever heard of affirmations? I have a list that I read to myself every morning when I wake up and every night before bed. It's nothing elaborate, just ten things that I love about me. Even on my not so good, I hate my life somebody please come kill me days, I can read this list and, even if it doesn't make me feel 100% better, it goes a long way towards eliminating the negative thoughts.
1) I have beautiful Brown eyes that look on the world with kindness and compassion.
2) I am gentle, loving and caring of all those who come into my life.
3) I am blessed and deserve every blessing that comes into my life.
4) I am filled with positive energy and draw positive people to me.
5) I am humbly filled with love for all of God's creations.
6) My nappy hair is amazing and only adds to the God given beauty of me as a Black woman.
7) I have facial features (cheeks, lips, eyes) that other women would kill to have.
8) My breasts are hawt! (I know, it's not very Women's Lib of me, but hey, they look good damn it! *fluffs the twins*)
9) My beauty is timeless. There are women who are dying to attain by surgery what I was given by design.
10) I am me, and that's okay!
Ladies, I would encourage you to do the same for yourself. Sit down and really look at yourself. I say start out with five things, but if you come up with more than five, then more power to you GF! Every woman deserves to love herself just a little bit. It's not conceit, it's self love, and every woman should have some.
Remember, you have to love yourself, flaws and all before you can ask someone else, Black, White, Blue or Green, to do the same.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I know that I said in my last post that that that would be the last time that the TWSNBN would be mentioned, but Sara and I have been emailing back and forth, and basically Sara has told me that the only way I can get this stupid cow off my back is to show you all what I'm working with. These are her latest email rants, and Sara and I are at a consensus: this bitch is not only crazy, she is bat shit crazy. Peep all her comments about Black women in the second email.
Her first email:
Date: Fri, Mar 28, 2008 at 11:08 AM
Subject: you have no right to steal others ideas
somone told me about your blog cause they said that you are stealing other peoples ideas. little to me. you stole and entire section of what I said on BWWDI! then in the same breath critizize me for making comments to another poster! who are you! and how dare you rob me, saras and others ideas. do you have an original thought in your head! you are a total stealer! if you have a blog, you are supposed to generate YOUR fucking ideas and not others ok? I will expose you for the fake you are if you keep doing this. tons of people already know. you just want attention. try writing a book. I'm doing that and my advice will be used as a bible to others. lets see you copy that! OK!. now try for once to get an original thought in your head. I know it is hard for you, but try and STICK TO YOUR OWN IDEAS AND STOP ROBBING OTHERS OF THERES!!!
Would somebody please transcribe this shit and send it back to me? She lost me after hey. I honestly believe that if I have to spend most of my time changing what you wrote so that it makes sense, then your e-threats and other spewed bullshit have lost about 75% of there efficacy.
And now her latest email that I didn't filter directly into the trash (GMail filters are da bessssss)
From: jane doe
Date: Tue, Apr 1, 2008 at 12:13 PM
Subject: I tried to be nice but.......................
To: Nicole Brown
ok, ok, I tried to be nice. tried to respect you, but now I see. I will have to put you in your place!!!!!!!!!!!
first of all you are laughable. as dark as you are. with that mop you call hair. YOU think you can get a white guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they would not want you. you look like a fat baboon. I should what I wrote and what you wrote to my German boyfriend and he said you were crazy to steal mine and others ideas. he was right. he said you are a typical sista who wants attention. so he asked for me to drop it. but since you had to act like the ghetto bitch you are. I'm going to read you.
1. you have kids. I have extensive experience with white men and one thing they are not interested in a typ black chick with out of wed-lock babes. you want a white guy??? all you can be is there friend cause white men do not date black chicks with kids. well... the really old ones!
2. you are fat. white men usually are fit. just because black men have lower standards what makes you think a white man will? white men like in fit women. no, they do not have to be stick thin, like white women. but they cannot have a large, fat sloppy gut and hanging boobs like a baboon like you!!! you are so delusional!
3. your hair is gross. you have no style and need to comb or brush or do something to that mane. I don't care what any woman on any blog says. I have been raised around and dated White men my whole life. and they like a nicely;y styled head. your over-permed hair is screaming for a trim. and those black circles you got under your eyes? even as dark as you are. you need to do something about them!
you are a joke honey. you tell me that I need to go to English class? if I was so bad in English, I would not be making more than you make in two months combined, WICK included! HA HA HA HA!!! I showed the picture of you to two of my white guy Friends and they told men they could not tell you from a gorilla. god, you would just die if you saw me. small framed. no stomach. 17' inches of my own hair thanks to my Indian heritage. now, you and me walking down the street. who do you think the wm is going to approach.? on top of that. I have no children, educated and have my own business on top of my job. don't hate. you will be reading my book as well. um, I can get it published. my ex boyfriend is the president of a major publishing company so HA fat bitch.
you are so delusional. you will NEVER get a white man. not one of value. they will use you as some freaky sex experiment or something. but they will NEVER and I mean NEVER marry you and take care of your nappy headed little nigs
better go back to black men, they have low standard. or turn lesbo. that is what the ugly fat black women do, when all hope fails.
last but not least MAKE UP YOUR OWN FUCKING IDEAS AND STOP STEALING OTHERS YOU FAT, SHIT COLORED BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like the video clips though.
Okay, now I have to say some stuff here:
1) I am not shit colored. I am a beautiful chestnut Brown. The picture she's referring to was one taken in a darkened room with no flash.
2) Last I checked, I only have one child, and no, she's not a little nig you stupid BITCH!
3) Since you can barely spell let alone put together a coherrent email, I am really thinking that your delusions of getting a book published are just that: delusions. The voices in your head do not count as real people, so girl/boy, just stop.
4) It's W.I.C, not WICK. THEIR not THERE. CRITICIZE not CRITIZIZE. Now for the love of God, please, STOP SENDING ME ILLITERATE ASS EMAILS. Even my best friend said he's afraid that my writing skills will fall off because of your ignorant ass.
I am honestly starting to believe that this is not really a woman at all. This has all the earmarks of that crazy fuck on Craig's list who harasses cw over on her blog. His hate for BW shines through, and it really makes me sad. Why do you care so much about what I put on my blog? Too much time on your hands.
Ladies, now you all see what all the fuss is about. "She's" probably going to try to make it seem like I somehow changed these emails to make it worse than it is, but no. I forwarded these hot off the press to Sara, my sister, my boyfriend AND my best friend. Every last one of them have said the same thing: this bitch is crazy, so stop responding to her.
This is defintely my last posting regarding her craziness. I just have one more thing to say to her (since I know she's lurking on here reading everything I type. That's what obsessed people do). Here's a little something for you:
The IR dating post will make it's return tomorrow. Peace out ya'll!
Hey ladies. I know that my last post about Barack Obama wasn't what you all came over here to see, so I've decided to take this blog in a whole new direction. Now, I know you all remember the drama that I had with the Troll Who Shall Not Be Named. If not, scroll down to the Katt Williams post. Gone 'head, I'll wait.
*Jeopardy theme plays*
Back with me? Good. Now I want to apologize to you all for allowing that person to have the kind of power that she eventually wielded around here. She wanted attention, and fool that I was, I gave it to her. Well, that ends today! Since I know for a fact that she is lurking, I'll put this out there to her and hope she gets it: seek therapy. Your self hatred knows no bounds (FYI, I'm not "shit colored" you idiot. The room was dark and I wasn't using a flash and I only have one child who is not a "little nig"), and for you to sit and heap judgments on me is the hallmark of an unhappy, withered soul in need of something I cannot, no, I will not give. Love and compassion.
You say you're beautiful to look at? Well I don't doubt that you are. I simply doubt that your life is as wonderful as you make it out to be since you are still wasting time by coming at me with the trash you spew. I'm just going to send those healing vibes your way, and pray for your future children. They have an uphill battle ahead of them with you as a mother. And something else: I may be fat, but I can lose the weight. The nignorance coming off of you like smoke is something that will live forever. Who would you say is in a better position?
I allowed you, with your poor deluded soul to influence my blog to to the point where your twisted visions of me and mine even began to influence my reality, and for that I sincerely apologize to myself, my daughter and to you, my readers. (You would have to have read her emails to know just how deluded she was. Just ask Sara)
To my baby: Some of the ignorance she spewed was directed at you Old-livia, and Mommy is sorry she's acted a fool with you the last couple of days. I love you so much. You are my hope for the future and every beautiful dream I have ever had. Keep being the beautiful girl you are.
To you, my readers: To allow that person to make me drag you all into this was unforgivable. I allowed the lowest common demoninator to prevail, and for that, I apologize. I have too much respect for my readers to allow one stupid trick to take me off of my A blog game.
The good news is that today will be the very last time she is ever mentioned in this blog. She and her antics have now been relegated to the Trash bin of my life (Gmail filters are da bessssssssss). She no longer has that kind of power and for that I am extremely grateful to The Secret.
If there is anyone, and I do mean ANYONE, out there who thinks that I am stealing content/thoughts/words from ANY other website, please step forward with your proof. Otherwise, you will be sent to the trash pile with the TWSNBN. I am no longer allowing ignorance and foolywang to live rent free in my life, mind or heart. I am here to uplift my sisters, and no one will be allowed to take that from me. NO ONE.
My email address is ms. nicole. l. brown. 74@gmail. com (remove all spaces).
And that's all I have to say about that. *nods like Forrest Gump*
I am editting this post because I have rethought my stand on putting the Secret out here. I'm back to my usual fvckery and thought provoking posts later on today or tomorrow.
In love and light, C U N the Dawn!
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I'm sorry, but this man is just... amazing.He is truly what this country needs and I am so blessed to have lived to see a time when a beautifully intelligent Black man could rise above the BS that is politricks in Amerikkka and become a true contender to the office of POTUS. He is eloquent, handsome (is it right that I'm lusting for the future POTUS? If loving him is wrong, I don't want to be right!), and the breath of fresh air that this country needs to help us move up to the next level.
And you know what? I am willing to take a week off of work to volunteer to help Michelle unload the UHaul in front of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on 1/20/2009. That's a serious promise coming from someone who hates to move households.
However, I'm seriously wondering if J. Anthony Brown was trying to destroy me completely when he wrote this:
When J Anthony Brown murders the hits, my soul says "fuck effort" and leaps to it's death from the top of my house.
I still love him though.
America is at a crossroads now. We can either take that step to move in the right direction, or we can stagnate, continue to be an international laughingstock. I honestly believe that Barack Obama has the drive, determination and vision to lead us into the dawn.
Feel free to use this graphic.
That's it for right now. C U N the Dawn