Hello World

I have decided that it's time for me to stop hiding behind various screen names on Evia, Halima, Sarah & CW's blogs and step my support of interracial dating and loving up for 2008 and beyond. My name is Nicole. I am a single Black female living in the city of Chicago. I'm currently in school working towards a degree in Psychology. I have a pretty good life, but what I don't have is a good man to share it with me.

Oh and did I happen to mention that I pretty much have an aversion to dating DBRbm? Yeah, it's a big problem of mine. You see, I grew up in a family filled with DBRbm. Most of my male cousins are damaged, and I have spent the past 30 plus years of my life watching in despair as one behind another, these men have ravaged their mothers, our family and ultimately our community.

Case in point, I have one aunt S. S is a beautiful Black woman, but she has a severe case of Neo-Mammyism and cannot understand why her eldest son has turned out to be a total and complete asshat. Ummm could it be because you raised him to believe that his shit didn't stink? You allowed the pompous jerkbag to run roughshod over anyone who did not allow him to have his own way, and now because he's a good looking, college educated Black male, he's gotten it into his head that he is the shit. *snort* Yeah a total shit. The one time that I confronted this cousin about his ignorant ass behavior, he struck back at me by calling me a fat ass (Oh! that really hurt!) and thinking that I would never heard about it. Needless to say, I read his ass quite well and he and I have not had 2 words to say to each other since.

My own mother, whom I love dearly and would do anything for has shades of Neo-Mammy in her as well. She has run herself ragged caring for my Stepfather when he has been ill several times over the past 2 years (he is in kidney failure from failure to do right, but that's another post). This man expects my mother, my sister and myself to be at his beck and call 24/7 when he is ill, but damned if he will even lift a finger to help us when we're not feeling well. And when he does, he has to complain the whole time he's doing whatever it is that he's been forced to do. I mean, just damn man. Who the hell are you to basically say to me that it's okay for you to be sick, but when I'm ill I should still be up taking care of you?

Something that has bothered me for years is: why is it that I, as a Black woman, am supposed to love, honor, cherish and respect a Black man when they have not done the same for me? What the hell kind of fool would I be if I constantly allowed a BM to mentally, verbally and psychologically abuse me? A huge one doesn't even begin to cover the basics.

I say all of that to say this: Black women, it's time we stand up and say ENOUGH!

~ No more giving and giving of ourselves until we are too sick/weak/tired/run down to care for ourselves, let alone our children.

~ No more wasting time with DBRbm who are only there to use and abuse your body, mind and spirit, only to leave you a shell of yourself, emotionally wounded and battered only to take it out in hating the next man to come along.

~ No more blocking yourself off from a world of possibilities with good men of other races because you are afraid of incurring the wrath of the rest of the Black community. Who gives a damn what they think! You are a beautiful woman deserving of the love of a good man, so never be afraid to reach for the stars!

We are at the threshold of a new world ladies. It's time to step up and step out. Grasp control of your world by both horns and look around you at the plethora of beautiful Black, African, Asian, Hispanic and yes, White men out there who are waiting in the wings to sweep you off of your feet. Make it a point to smile at every man you meet. You never know, you may be smiling at your future husband!